Surviving Bullying

I was reading this post on Hyperlexicon about how her son, Ben, has come to realize he’s being teased at school. And although I don’t have any advice to offer her, I thought I’d share my experience with bullying.

I was strangled to the point of losing conciousness for the first time in Kindergarten by a fellow classmate’s belt. From then until high school graduation, I was a victim of merciless abuse by my fellow students. What kept me from succumbing to it all?

-A strong base. Although most of my friends came and went in my 13 years of schooling, one stuck by me the whole time. We split a juice box on the bus to kindergarten, and last month we split a beer on his back porch. Having one kid that I could always count on to be there for me was probably the single most important thing that helped me get through.

-My intellect. Knowing that I was smarter, more successful, and having a much greater destiny than the kids who were trying to keep me down allowed me to put everything into perspective. When I was face down in the dirt or shoved against a locker, running through my head would be the idea that when I was making six figures saving the world they’d be making minimum wage scanning groceries.

-An escape. I gobbled up historical fiction. I imagined myself working in a castle, fighting in a war, learning from a philosophe. In the stories I read and created, I was able to take revenge on my tormenters, who worked for me, and were scared of me rather than the other way around.

-My mom. True, I kept her in the dark about most of the details. Even now she has no idea what I went through at the hands of my peers. But she was there for me whenever I needed her. When I had to vent, we’d go on long car rides, just her and me, and she’d wait even if it took 30 or 40 minutes for me to tell her what was bothering me. She reminded me of my worth and exceptionality, especially when I felt like the most pathetic human being in the universe.

-My Special Interest. I’ve had a couple over the years. Topics I would devote myself to with gusto, and would quickly know more than any of my peers and even most adults about. This gave me a sense of worth that couldn’t be destroyed by any other factors. I really did know more about the topics which fascinated me than everyone but the highest experts, and you could test my knowledge objectively. Knowing this certainly kept me running.

Bullying is horrendous. It can destroy a single afternoon or an entire childhood. But the best thing about it is that it ends. Once you leave high school, it’s for the most part over. And suddenly the tables turn and the bullied are the ones on top. But it’s hard to see that or even be comforted by it when you’re being tortured every day. But with a little help from parents, kids can come to understand that things will get better.